Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation