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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!