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The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
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6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married