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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.