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Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.