Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.