Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.