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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!