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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?