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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you