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says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.