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I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
I have a black belt in leather
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands