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I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
Reincarnation is my only hope.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.