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When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.