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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
is ready to have one too many!