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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.