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!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
Where is the button to restart summer?
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.