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Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.