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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
I had your cake and ate it too.