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Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.