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Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)