Daily Silly Status

I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.

There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.

Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.

I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole

When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.

I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.

I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.

I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.

i only drink on days that end with y

Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence

If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.

As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.

Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.

When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."

I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.