Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Very productive day today, turd-wise
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don`t know yet though she`s still in bed
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.