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A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))