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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?