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Some days are just not meant to be productive.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.