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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.