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So many rules; so little time to break them.
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."