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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
I`m never free but I`m available.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.