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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat