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3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.