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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!