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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.