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*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
is ready to have one too many!