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How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
I try not to limit my madness to March.