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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic