Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.