Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?