Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Velcro is a ripoff
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)