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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook