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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her