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Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...