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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"