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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."