Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.