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Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`