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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.