Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.