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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.