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Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(