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Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?