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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!