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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Been there, done that. allegedly
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!