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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.