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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.