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Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.