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As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)