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I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?