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If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
The less you know, the more you think you do.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.